Samus, A Cereal Box, And Jigglypuff
by Corgidog88
Summary: [One- shot] Samus is a crazy, weird teacher. See what happens when her cereal box starts talking to her... rated pg13 for language


Disclaimer: A thing like Samus cannot be owned.

Hiya! This fic is for everyone who enjoyed A Story Of Truth And, Hey Who Am I Kidding! R&R please!

A woman named Samus waited for her students to arrive. She was a teacher to cover up the fact that she fights aliens. Today Samus was wearing a business suit over her large metal suit. Nobody noticed this because all the teachers and students were all too boozed up to function properly.

Samus had an annoying habit of talking to herself. She did so often that everyone had gotten used to it. She would say things to herself like, "You better clean up, missy," and "But I don't wanna!" It was like she had split personality disorder, and all her personalities talked to each other.

Samus also had a slight farting problem. Whenever her personalities got mad at each other, she started farting. She tried to cover this up by spraying Axe on herself, but this only made her smell like a man with a gland disorder.

Her students walked in. "Hello, Mr. Fogg!" they said to her. "IT'S MRS. FOGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she cried.

"Sorry, you look like a man," one of them said. "Are you a lesbian?" Another asked her. "That biography was unauthorized," she growled. "Hey, I admire someone who's at least a little bit gay," said a voice. Samus turned to see Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff grinned. "They made me wear atomic proof diapers," she said.

"OK class, let's learn about the most boring subject in the world, history," Samus said. Everyone slumped back into their seats. They were bored, as usual.

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When Samus arrived home, she was exhausted. So she decided to fall asleep on the extremely lumpy and awful couch instead of her nice new king- size bed. She missed Zelda, her "little buddy".

Samus snored like a freight train...

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The next morning, when Samus woke up, she decided to eat her favorite cereal, Rice Crispies. Just then, Snap, Crackle, and Pop started to talk to her. _Am I drunk? _Samus wondered as Snap yelled at her for stuffing the box in her car when she took the box home after work. "Sorry, I was just-"Samus tried to finish, but they interrupted her.

"What the fucking hell do you think you are doing with your life?" they asked her. _Gee, I never thought a cereal box could be so mean, _she thought.

"We hate you!" they screamed at her. "I'm going to throw you away," she said, but she never actually did.

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In class, Samus was distracted. There were so many unaswered questions, such as, Why did the cereal box talk? And Why did people think she was a lesbian? And, of course, Why did Samus own a leather thong? Samus broke out of her reverie and finished her discussion. "So, as you can see, 2 plus equals 2 fish," she said. "Alright, for homework I want you to do the whole mathbook. Have an awful day, children," she said as the bell rang, and all the boozed up students left.

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The next morning, Samus ate Rice Crispies. Again. They began to talk. Again.

This time they shouted, "You fucker! You are so dumb! You have split personality disorder, you ass!"

"You're so hurtful!" she cried, and broke through the wall, running to wrok.

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During class today, Samus began to eat her lunch early, in front of all the children while they starved.

Just then, her personalities went crazy. "You eat that last french fry, missy!" she shouted at herself. "No, I don't wanna get fat!" she answered. Samus began to fart. The whole class covered their noses. All of them passed out, except for Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff waltzed right over to Samus. "Hey, that's what you get for teaching at the community jail," Jigglypuff scolded as Samus whined that the Board Of Education was going to kill her.

"Community jail?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck????????????!!!!!!" Samus cried. Somewhere, Jigglypuff heard the Jaws music playing. "Calm down," she said, and then it came. Jigglypuff pooped all over the floor with a loud _BLATTTTTTTT. _The whole school shook.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Samus cried, jumping out the window. She grabbed the cereal box, which began to swear at her. As usual. Samus ran as far as she could away from Jigglypuff. And, if you ever want to know what happened to Samus, she is sitting in a mental hospital, in the Disturbed By Atomic Poo and/ or Flatulents Ward, talking to her scereal box.

THE END

Hiya! If you are wondering what I meant by Zelda and "little buddy", go to and search for link and the quest for ass. Oh, and if you ever play Super Smash Brothers, pause the game when Samus is being shocked. You will be able to see the real Samus, a naked green lady! Anyway, check the button and give me a kind review :-) Or, give me a flame:-(


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